Mother Out Law Experience (aka MOLE) bawahahaha….

After nearly 3 years of marriage, I have FINALLY had an epiphany about the degradation of my relationship with my mother in law. In one of many thousands of conversations (aka bitch sessions) had with girlfriends about our partners family, and strangely enough it always seems to weigh heavily on the poor mother in laws, I was asked : if you could have the "perfect" relationship in your eyes how would it be?

Initally, not only did I glaze over the question when asked but then when my friend asked me to answer her, I proceeded to attack the question the wrong way with all they won’t blah blah blah… she won’t blah blah blah … And again she patiently asked me : but what do you want it to be like?

Well, I wanted them to be my family, act like my family. Then it hit me, how can I expect them to be and act like my family when I’m not treating them like MY family? I had failed at acting upon one of my favourite mantras in life :

You can not change people or situations; you can only change how YOU react to them

So, the very next visit, I didn’t sit making idle small talk and wait upon them with tea and baked goods (mind you, I am a huge fan of the ol’ baked goods with a cup of tea when I get a chance to sit my fat arse down – which ain’t that often) I simply went about getting housework and all those other things I can’t get done when I’m alone with twin infants and a toddler.

When my poor family visits, it’s all hands on deck. They know how this dragon rolls. My conversations are bellowed from room to the other as I go about things, you make your own bloody cuppa, if it cries – you settle it, if it vomits – you grab a cloth and wipe it, if you smell ‘it’- you change it’s butt. There’s no handing a kid back. And there is NO last minute panicked cleaning before they arrive (but that’s a slightly different issue that I’m sure we’ll touch on at another time). Because MY family comes to visit ME, not just coo at the kids.

Now I can’t say with any certainty that they understood the change in my behaviour, but I sure as hell know that it was heavily noted, with the many requests to have me “just sit down for a minute” To which I replied, no thank you, I would much prefer to make the most of the extra sets of hands in the house.

And when they left, I felt good (and I still do). I had stood in my own power and changed how I responded rather than be false to their faces and stewed about their actions until I could literally breathe fire.


Of course, being very proud and full of myself (as is a dragon’s nature) I then hopped on messenger and proceeded to thank my friend for her gift in my epiphany :oP